I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
