nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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