forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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