end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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