I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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