so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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