so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
