Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
