i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
