she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
