Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
