dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
