Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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