I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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