ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
