I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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