Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My ATM looks so different sober.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
