omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
