Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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