we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
