the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
