I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
