Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
