Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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