even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
