You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
