i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Actions speak louder than pants.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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