I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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