ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Even my vagina gasped.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
