Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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