Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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