I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
