She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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