I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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