So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
