if i can run in heels then i can drive
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
