now i know why i became what i already was.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
