i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
