im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
