dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
