I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
