there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
