So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
