Jerry, you need to find god
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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