I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
