I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
