Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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