My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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