I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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