you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
