According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
