Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
