This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
