Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
