I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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